This is a position statment on Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage...shared with me from a good friend of mine Adam Gascho, a church planter/missionary with Greater Europe Mission in Colonge Germany.
Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage and Restoration for Ministry
Purpose Statement
The elder’s work on the following statement grew out of a desire to 1) strengthen the marriages of GEBC and the integrity of our community of faith, 2) combat the decay of the institution of marriage within our modern culture and 3) support and encourage the pastoral staff of GEBC in their care giving efforts. It is our belief and prayer that by strengthening the understanding of the biblical design for marriage we will help accomplish these three objectives.
The Sanctity of Marriage
Marriage is a relationship ordained and instituted by God. God established this sacred relationship at creation, and Jesus refers to the creation narrative as the foundation for our understanding of marriage (Genesis 2:18-25, Matthew 19:4-6). Designed by God, marriage is to be a monogamous, lifelong, heterosexual union, for the purpose of promoting human happiness and holiness, as well as representing symbolically and mysteriously the relationship between God and his people (Isaiah 54:5, Jeremiah 3:20, Ezekiel 16:8, Hosea 2:14-23, Ephesians 5:21-33). When a man and woman are united in marriage they are to provide a living and breathing example of Christ’s love for the world. Marriage is to be a walking and talking metaphor of Christ’s union with the Church, His spiritual bride.
For this reason, when marriages succeed in creating a loving environment for each of the spouses to live within, then we can see clearly the attributes of God’s patience and kindness and selflessness toward each of us played out in a concrete manner. When marriages fail, then the witness of Christ’s Church is weakened, because marriage is meant to be a powerful picture of something far larger than even human devotion. Therefore God hates divorce for what it does to people and for how it undermines his witness in the world and his glory (Malachi 2:14-16).
The Permissibility of Divorce
The Bible presents marriage as an insoluble union (Matthew 19:6). For this reason divorce is always outside the design of God, being that it is contrary to God’s commandment of “leave and cleave” (Genesis 2:24) and breaks the bond of two becoming one (Matthew 19:4-5). For that reason Paul wrote plainly that divorce should not happen among God’s people (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). The Bible presents divorce as the product of sin, whether in one or both of the spouse’s lives. Jesus interpreted Moses’ allowance for divorce as the result of hard heartedness (Matthew 19:8). This means that divorce is never morally neutral, and every divorce demonstrates a failure to live out the gospel message of forgiveness and reconciliation.
For this reason, while we can understand why someone may feel as though they have no other option than to divorce their spouse, as shepherds we will never give permission to divorce and always encourage patience and hope in God’s ability to heal and restore a marriage relationship. In some circumstances however (eg. physical or emotional abuse), it may be in the best interest of a couple to separate for a season (1 Corinthians 7:5). The church should do its best to support the efforts of restoration throughout a season of separation. The separation of a married couple is best utilized with an eye toward devotion in prayer and ultimately martial reconciliation.
At the same time, we do realize that divorces still occur within Christ’s community. A mature Christian may be forsaken by a disobedient or unbelieving spouse. Two professing believers may drift so far from the Lord that they no longer acknowledge the authority of the Lord or the binding nature of their marriage covenant. The good news of the Gospel though, is that there is no unpardonable sin once confession and repentance have taken place (1 John 1:9). Therefore, while we will fight for the preservation of marriages, we will also eagerly extend grace to those who fail in marriage, realizing that God longs to do a work of repair and restoration in their lives. The church, as God’s family, is called to minister forgiveness, discipline, healing and restoration whenever needed and whenever possible.
NOTE: We were in disagreement over when/if there are biblical grounds for divorce, (ex. adultery, abandonment, abuse) based upon some interpretations of Matthew 5:32, 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:15.
The Advisability of Remarriage
Considering the Bible’s position on the sanctity of marriage and the sinfulness of divorce, we encourage caution in remarriage for the following reasons:
1) Marital unfaithfulness (NIV) is not offered as a reason to divorce or remarry. Marital unfaithfulness is described only as an act that breaks the marital bond (Matthew 5:32, 19:9).
2) Although divorce severs a marriage legally from the state’s perspective, it does not break the marriage bond from a biblical perspective. Therefore, those remarrying commit adultery (Mark 10:11-12, Luke 16:18), unless the marriage bond was broken in the prior marriage by marital unfaithfulness (Matthew 5:32, 19:9), or the one remarrying is a widow or widower.
3) Those divorcing for other than biblically permissible reasons are directed to either remain unmarried or to be reconciled to their spouse (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).
4) Scripture places a high priority on forgiveness and reconciliation (Matthew 6:14-15, 2 Corinthians 5:18).
Further, we find nothing in Scripture indicating that conversion alters the advisability of remarriage, as God’s design for marriage, the cautions for remarriage found in the New Testament, and the priority of forgiveness and reconciliation supersedes our participation in covenant community (Matthew 19:4-6).
Finally, if one does decide to remarry, then believers should only remarry other believers (1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14-15), and once remarried they should not divorce (1 Corinthians 7:27).
The Process of Restoration to Fellowship and Service
God’s people are called to be a part of the process of restoration of broken relationships. Specifically, those who are mature in the faith are to help gently restore those who fall into sin (Galatians 6:1). In the process of restoration we are restored from our sinfulness to fellowship with God and others. This will require reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:16-21), which involves seeking the forgiveness of those we have sinned against (Matthew 5:23-24), as well as granting forgiveness to those who have sinned against us (Matthew 6:14-15; 1 John 1:7, 2:9). While reconciliation of relationships doesn’t require a restoration of a marriage, it does allow members of the body of Christ to take communion in good conscience (1 Corinthians 11:27-30).
In that divorce always involves sin, a call to confession and repentance is a necessary part of the process of restoration (James 5:16; 1 John 1:9). Confession is the process of acknowledging one’s sin, and repentance is the process of forsaking the sin and following after Jesus. This process may take time and should involve someone who is spiritually mature and can offer guidance (Galatians 6:1).
Ultimately, the work of restoration is aimed at preserving the unity within the Church and the testimony of the Church (John 17:23).
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